Personal Experience of Breakdown


I had a breakdown twice this week.

Yep, not once – twice!

I thought I was going to spend this Christmas with Andy’s family and it was going to be such an experience for me and the bump.

I also thought we were going to be able to fly to Poland beginning of 2021, so I could see my mum (and she could see me pregnant..!) annnnnd she could finally meet Andy, too!

In short – those two scenarios were really what I have been looking forward to.

And then boom coronavirus rules changed, a national lockdown in Poland was announced, and all of a sudden it was all canceled.

What I’ve been looking forward to so much was all canceled.

And I just got really, really sad.

But you know what?

I wouldn’t take it back.

I needed to allow myself to be upset to be able to process it.

And then – a bit nuts but bear with me – I actually became grateful for what I do, for what I work with people on, for the mindset I’ve managed to develop across the years.

And instead of complaining about my life for days (something I would have done in the past), I reminded myself:

How there’s no point worrying and stressing about things we have no control over.

(And as much as I would love to, I do not set the coronavirus rules;-))

And how staying at home and complying with the rules is actually going to benefit me:

* How I’ll have more time to just BE with Andy and the bump

* How I’ll have more time to focus on planning next year and all those projects I have in mind

* How I’ll actually save some money that will surely help with buying stuff for the new house

And then I asked myself what I actually wanted from this January trip to Poland and the big English Christmas I’m not getting…

And the answer came down to:

Love and Connection.

Do you know what I realized next?

That despite my plans being canceled, I can still have what I wanted all along.

Holding Andy’s hand while we admire OUR first ever Christmas tree that’s just soo pretty

Video calling with my mum while I try to make polish pierogi for Christmas Eve (first time ever, but no judging please)

Skyping with a lot of people we care about being grateful for the fact that we CAN

And looking out for baby’s first kicks…can’t think of a better mix of love and connection right there.

See, I like to think everything happens for a reason – and the same goes for very frustrating lockdown rules.

The trick is to not stay annoyed in this unresourceful state that isn’t really serving us at all.

Worse, it actually doesn’t allow us to see what’s possible.

So have a breakdown (or two if you’re anything like me :-))

But then find the courage to pick yourself up and see what this new situation is allowing you to do.

Stay grateful for what you do have.

And don’t miss out on what’s in front of you (or inside you, if just like me you’re looking out for baby starting to kick

We have got this. Be kind to yourselves.

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